Stop Asking, What Am I Going To Do?
Crisis, challenge, change... any kind of transition - It jumps us into action, asking ourselves, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?"
But that's just us creating a chore list in the hopes of manifesting some relief. And to-do lists are never about real transformation.
SO, here the challenge: Stop Asking, What Am I Going To Do?
Instead, we need to start asking ourselves: WHO DO I NEED TO BECOME?
And in asking that question, what we NEED TO DO, will just happen - because of who we are.
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ACOUSTIC GUITAR # 1 by Jason Shaw https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Jason_Shaw
Creative Commons — Attribution 4.0 International License
Zakhar Valaha from Pixabay
It’s not a long one, but it’s an important one. And it’s for us all.
A couple of weeks ago we talked about transitions and how they are often some of the most uncomfortable times of our lives. We talked about how difficult they can be and sometimes turn into real crisis. We also talked about the fact that all transitions are invitations to transformation. And that’s what I want to take further this week.
Within that topic on transitions and transformation, we very quickly mentioned that the experience provokes a specific question. And the question was this:
Remember that? Go back and have a listen if you missed that one. Listen again if you need a re-fresh. We said that when faced with a big change, a crisis, any kind of transition… we are posed with the question of “what now?”.
Now, what do we normally do when we are faced with that question? I mean besides panic and overwhelm and either shut down or overreact.
If you’re stuck there, let me answer this one for you. Normally, when we need to figure out the answer to “what now?”, we jump into action mode. We expand the question to this one:
What do I need to do now?
We make this question the beginning of a task list. We make ourselves a chore list to figure out what we need to DO, to handle the situation before us. And you know what? There might very well be things that we need to do. But that is not the question to start with. It’s not the question to focus on. If we can get ourselves to focus on the right question… DOING, will just be the natural by-product anyways. The doing will just happen.
So today, I want to challenge you to stop jumping right to the question, “what do I need to do?”, and ask this instead:
“Who do I need to become”.
Just think of the different situation where we ask ourselves, “what am I supposed to do now?”.
They have a different ring, a different flavor, a different feeling when you swap out that question.
My marriage is suffering, what am I supposed to do?
My marriage suffering, who do I need to become to help here?
What am I supposed to do with this kid of mine?
Who do I need to become to raise this child?
My business is failing. What do I need to do to save it?
My business is failing. Who do I need to become to save it?
I lost my job. What am I supposed to do to find another one?
I lost my job. Who do I need to become for the next one?
My mom died. What am I supposed to do now?
My mom died. Who do I need to become to keep going?
You see, in all of those circumstances and in any others you thought of the chore list will be just that. It will be a list of to-dos in order to get an outcome that feels better, looks brighter, is something survivable.
But in the “becoming”, in the developing into something new, what you would do, could do and will do organically becomes a natural part of that process. And it will be what you couldn’t, wouldn’t do before. You had to become something new before you could do something new.
And this is another time when we are not grateful for hard things that happen, but we also in that recognize that sometimes the bank had to say no in order for me to become who I am.
I had to have some heartache and heartbreak in order to become who I am.
In suffering the loss, I have suffered, I have become who I am.
Some people had to leave me. Some people had to betray me. Some people had to say no to me when I needed a yes so bad, in order for me to become who I am.
And I am not done becoming. Come what may, I will continue to become.
And I want you to do the same.
I want you to give yourself permission to put down the pen and stop trying to make your to-do list in order to make right the wrongs before you.
I want you to stop wracking your brain for that task you could do to make this all feel better.
Just stop for a minute. Stop and sit and tell yourself, we aren’t asking anymore, “what do I need to do to handle this?”.
We are instead asking, “who do I need to become in this?”
And remember, becoming unfolds into doing.
If you could become, it stops being about doing the things.
You end up doing things NOT because they need to be done, but because that is who you are.
It is no longer a chore, to do what is in you to do. In you because you became the person who carries with you, within you the answers to what needs to be done. It’s no longer a to-do list. It’s an organic reaction, producing results, because that is who you are. That is what you are about. That is how you handle what’s in front of you. That’s not a chore. That’s a response.
And this works too for what we hope for in life. Goals we set and dreams we aspire for.
What do I need to do to get into college?
Who do I need to become, to be in college?
What do I need to do to get the promotion?
Who do I need to become to be promoted?
What can I do to find a partner?
Who do I need to become, to be a partner?
You see, when we face transitions, whether they are challenges or crisis, or goals and dreams… we can make a list and check it off as we go, striving towards something we are hoping for…
Or we can become who it takes to get through and survive and then go on and thrive, doing what we do because that is just who we are.
And don’t think we won’t have an audience. Don’t think people won’t be watching. Like it or not people be sticking their noses in your business and watching you, and they will have questions.
They’ll want to know:
How in the world did you, someone with that background, from that family, with that reputation, become the person you are?
Well, let them watch if they want to. But you, you are not here to be a spectator in life. You are here to become who you were created to be. You are here to continue growing and learning and evolving… all in the becoming of who you are.
Listen, I can write something on my to-do list that says, “be a more supportive wife”. But I can’t do that just because I wrote it down. I need sub-categories from there of what that even looks like. What would those tasks be?
But if I work to become the wife I want to be, that my husband deserves, that I want to model for my kids, then being supportive will end up being a natural by-product of who I have become. It doesn’t matter what the to-do list says. I don’t do them because they are on my list. I do them because that is who I am.
What are you facing today?
What do you want for today?
Who do you need to become for that?
Because you are not here on this earth merely to do, but to become, and then do, out of who you are.
That is how we make a difference in this world. That is how we change things for the better. That is how we build legacies.
So, no matter what you are dealing with or what it is that you are desperately hoping or praying for. Let’s stop asking: What am I gonna do?
And start asking: Who am I gonna become?
And dedicate yourself to becoming the best version of you.
Put this on repeat if you have to. Send it to all your friends and family. Let’s stop striving to do, and focus to become and lets set the world on fire doing what we need to BECAUSE, that’s just who we are.
If you’ve been blessed in any way by the message we’ve shared here together today, click into the show notes, click support the show and Buy Me a Coffee. I promise I won’t buy a coffee. But for the price of what you’d spend on one, we can keep putting out more episodes that connect us with those who otherwise wouldn’t get to hear how much they are loved, valued, and believed in. And that matters. Because as we say and believe to our core, at Life’s Seasons, everyone matters.
Until next time, I love you guys. You matter. Who you are becoming matters. Don’t stop now.
This is Tina saying good-bye for now… and we’ll speak again soon.